You tell your family and about this great guy. I deleted his number and ended things in my mind. Yucky. When did having open honest communication become a reference to these negative factors? Quite judgmental and making many assumptions. So he went camping with his kids and I heard nothing. Thank you for the comment Stella. I am glad I am reading .. fowisdom lies in learning.. cost me money but I am getting value for my money I had already lost hope we will ever be together. Fear that nothing better would come along, fear that on her own she is not a whole person. She said no and left. Even offering to go on holiday with you after only two days of chatting online!!! Then silence for months. Is everything ok? Because it is SPOT on. I wouldnt say we were boyfriend or girlfriend but he told his mother about me and his best friend and told his stepdad that he was happy. He messaged me every single day for 10 months. Ive better things to do than wait around or get hung up waiting for texts. I too was charmed, pursued and wooed relentlessly. I go over everything that we said to each other over the last 15 months, there doesnt seem to be any reason to pretend your in love or lie, he could have left anytime if he didnt have those feelings, I gave him the opportunity when things got hard because of the time difference, but he insisted that we were worth the extra effort needed, and I thought that too. Im guessing not and no, dear, once you have started dating her, no matter how unpleasant it may be you are responsible to give a few minutes of your precious time to this human being so she is not left in the dark, particularly during what sounds to be a difficult, aimless phase of her life. Im not bad looking. :( I was understanding. I want to know how hes doing! Looking backwards or maybe on your current experiences what would you say would be the best for a girl who cares about a guy like you to do? I have spent the last few months thinking of ways to change how I act, to not nag him, to be the perfect partner for when the break ended, I was thinking of all the things I had to tell him about during the break, that we had missed out on, and all that time he had no intention of coming back. An example is that he still has his profile up, Im not his girlfriend, and that I needed to lay off on the PDA. If he is not interested anymore, then just say it. In the interim I noticed him make googly eyes at a female on Instagram. This guy isnt man enough to handle the situation like an adult, so youre going to have to be the adult. He replied and asked me how was I doing. I didnt make eye contact, but from the corner of my eye I could see him trying to get my attention. It doesnt matter that If it hurts like Hell but I am not going to pursue any man!!! Both said we loved each other and things were good. So you may be willing to chat a little more with this vanisher, but be completely unwilling to accept this type of treatment again. I deactivated my own Facebook account for a while. It hurts like hell and i do not know what to do. in almost a year, we act hide and seek, I hide he seek. Initially I felt he cant just forget how supportive I have been over a petty thing and accept his mistake, apologise (in fact I tried to mend things although it was his fault) I thought our bond was stronger than that. This has just happened to me and I have to say Im finding it hard because Im usually so cautious. I dont know what I could of done differently. I remember stopping him and telling him no, no you dont. Anxiety will often lead you to make rushed decisions that you might regret later. Your story really affected me! I wrote him Hi on whatsapp but he never replied. Need to be grateful for that. I really was in shock and didnt think he was like that at all . My daughter thinks hes gay. He isnt even the guy whose picture or profile you read. We talk again on the phone for another hour the next night and I am on cloud nine. Unfortunately, these qualities are handicaps that blind you to reality. People have lives and the world does not evolve around him and that penis. I am way ok with thus friends with benefits thing we kinda have, but I do not like the whole disappearing thing after each time. A guy first shows you how amazing it will feel to live life with him. I was young and naive, and bought the dress. Cuz I had recently dated a guy who wasnt into texting or checking in and way too independent. Funny you should say that, because I am doing sociology, and often think how this would make for great research! I texted that I sensed something was up. I am very much independent. Amy well said. Hes such a shit! Look its 2013. I checked in with him to ask confirm, radio silence. I am in my 40s and have been chatting online for a few years, I have met all sorts, and have learnt the hard way too, that this is just not for me anymore. I tell him I would like to be friends but he needs to be real about it and not just say it and drop off. And if he doesnt text after 10 days or so, its not him taking a break, its him leaving or being disrespectful to you and your presence. Fetishizing my Asian ethnicity (yes, it can happen to guys too). White middle class males have been hammered upon ever since people like Gloria Steinem came onto the scene and pretty much emasculated all males. I want an LTR. He ghosted me :( i dont get why people do this to others. I was upset and emotional. After we were everything to each other, I too now feel like he has blocked me or changed his profile, he has just disappeared. Required fields are marked *. Cut him a break if he has a good reason for ghosting you. Hes just not into you anymore. I have gone on three dates with this guy. The more and more I get relationship advice from other women the more I realize that the most of you will just cause me more arguments and more problems in my relationship. Text him only once after he disappears. I accused him again that there is something wrong. Again just casual He said he couldnt and then I gave up. So, the relationship isnt necessarily done and over. He calmly and adamantly said no. Many thought we were couples annd i had also seen his intrest in me but i got fired last thursday then he said,hell leave the work too cause i aint there anymore ! So whats with the stickers? Its very rude and inconsiderate. He began to slither away, but we would always get back together. BE A DAMNED MAN AND TELL THE LADY YOU DONT WANT TO SEE HER ANYMORE! I just freeze up. I said I forgive you but why did you wait so long to tell me? Yet he would answer me later in the day or evening. I was also pretty angry too, as I felt like he led me on with everything that he had told me. I never thought he was this person. Guys like this make dating a lot harder for the rest of us. Although I insisted our conversations were casual and playful and nothing serious cas we had talked about things over the phone . He didnt said anything and just did it. at the end i decided that the best thing would be to cut him off completely from any media coz you can not live your life bound to someone who does not really want to be with you. But what is with the disappearing act.. While on vacation we communicated non stop, he was constantly telling me how he couldnt wait for me to be back in his arms and us living out our love together each and everyday. And it happened to me only once. You could have said, I need someone more together. I dumped his ass that day..but the story goes on. He tried visiting me a couple of times. I was hurt about this and he could see that so he on occasion would stay the night just to make me happy even if it meant he wasnt getting any sleep. But immediately replies to my texts. I just want to disappear out of his life to. I have been dating someone for one month maybe 6 dates. He honestly did everything for me and now he didnt even care to say happy birthday to me. One time we set a date but he canceled at last minute. Maybe its possible to deal with some people who are a little bit narcissist, but my guy is a real emotional vampire. I have felt the beginnings of self doubt and sadness; and even anger. 3 Months is a lot of time and there should be at least a modicum of trust and comfort built up by then. He broke up with me by a text message after three years of dating and stopped all communication with me. By the end of the day Im furious and crying like a little baby. He don't call me back when he say he will. I havent heard from him ever since. He said he felt we should have been friends longer and he would like to be friends more. Here's what to do when he disappears, and how to change the way you approach men and relationships. In a week i was over him. so there is no frikin way that i am going to text him after reading about your experiences. Real relationships take time, lots of it. No amount of excuses or saying that the other girl didnt have this or that will replace the fact that you took the easy way out. I never even heard of this 10 years ago. At first, he would initiate contact always and sometimes first thing in the morning which seemed quite cute.. If he dislikes her chatty/effervescent demeanor and finds it annoying I guess he wouldnt still be contacting her anymore. It was a painful ordeal nonetheless it was quite a learning experience. Youd probably want to get it out of your hands ASAP, right?! All your friends are tired of you talking about them. I confronted mine by showing up at his house and told him how I felt about his behavior. Im experiencing that kind of scenario at the moment. Ppl pointed things out to me that I didnt even realize I was doing. Why should one person bear the brunt of a break up when both were party to it? I felt like I needed to hear an explanation from him but at the same time I tell myself that if he wants to talk to me, he would. I am guilty of ghosting a borderline personality disorder women. You had never even been on a date. It will be less scary the second time you communicate similar message. I asked him plainly if he simply wasnt interested anymore or if he had someone else. If you worry about him, then just text him first and ask about what happened to them. Or maybe her timing is off and hes pre-occupied for a full exchange. being a bit insecure I would pick fights with him for no reason and tell him that I doubt his feeling for me.. Needless to say this caused a lot of problems. At first, itll be hard to ignore the one person with whom you actually saw a life together but once you realize how he tried to play with your feelings, youll then figure out that its the only right thing to do. he ticks a few key boxes you want in a man: he's attractive. Sad that he didnt respect me enough after all It just got me as it seemed he blew so hot and then that was it. I call he doesnt answer. The truth is that passive aggressors wanted to be wantedthey love the attention their childish behaviour gets them. I could see he has read messages but didnt bothered to respond. . I am pretty sure he had been acting flakey because he wanted it to end. Please. Val Always . I will be with my friends this weekend. I was going to leave it at that but I decided to be mature and call him a week later to cut it off. He went very quiet and eventually said , yes its easy to find your way around here. Once I came back off holiday and sour a month after the break up to talk. So we were dating for 4 years and left my house after a weekend together and we havent spoken much since. good education, professionals). Good Luck. And I have contacted him saying that I want my stuff no reply. I met this guy online on a website that advocates marriage. He said he is use to women walking away when he gets like this so maybe he is expecting the same from me, I dont know. October 17, 2016 at 8:50 am #571448 Reply. They tell themselves that she must know this isnt going to work out and calling and telling her something she already knows would just be silly, so thats the end of that. I dont understand him probably never will. Any ideas on how I should continue to handle this? Working two jobs handling Christmas sales. Have some dignity and do not reach out again. Since that day, we started having something else (but never talked about it) and we ended up hooking at every single party and social event (we even went together to a wedding and a friends prom). Me to trust him. Dear girls, the best way to not be hurted by guys is to NOT EXPECT. So stay true to yourself, stay true to your values, be assertive enough to stand up for those values, and thatll put you on the path to the relationship youve always wanted! I just want to say, good luck Naomi you are nice person and you will meet someone better eventually:). Why did he change all of a sudden? He initiated a hang out and asked for my address to pick me up, said he was about to leave annnnddddddddd nothing. ha! But the truth is that I cant trust a guy who can walk in and out over any silly things. Wanted to know every man who messaged me and what they said, etc. Give me more MEN. So if its not an ex its probably some personal issues that were around before you came into the picture (the job might be an indication). I think im definitely in the same situation. Since it was online dating, I took it with a grain of salt and tried to not get too excited. How could I be so wrong?! I cant imagine if I were you. I think a lot of women have this very delusional perception of how much someone elses world should be revolving around them and it obviously causes many women a lot of problems in their relationships. I texted him a few times and never got a response. To be honest, I feel hes been seeing other people, which hey, was his prerogative if he desired as we werent serious, and we were just dating. I think my guys were just emotionally unavailable and didnt expect what they were getting with me. The answer is to realize the person you want in your life WANTS you in theirs (And im not saying theres only one out there theres tons!). Lesson learned. (oooh) Keira, I got the same thing but it was 5 years on and off and then we became best friends forever and then he ghosted. he would always say stuff like yeah we should go do something for real but after 4 months we still did not do anything till I aventually orgenised something . Next day I texted him The city I dropped him This went on for about a year of seeing him at my place of business at least 2 to 3 times a week. I can relate to most of you. I dont know what it was but I guess Ill know later. One day he was here and then the next day, he was gone. It sounds like you were very sparsely seeing each other which is not at all the same as actually dating someone for 3 months. Boy bye! And the worst thing is you know he is ok and not losing any sleep at night but your just fighting to make it through another day. Im not fond of my birthday, nor am I a normal woman who fawns over all children & babies, so I would never have done either of those things without him starting themwhich he did. Hope you are doing good as well. I thought that everything was fine and normal. With online dating, I advocate meeting someone pretty soon somewhere in public after the initial contact. The only thing that I asked him to do was to promise me that he would tell me if he no longer wanted to see me. Dont want you to be afraid The 3rd month was the last time he told me he loved me and he eventually stopped replying to my text messages. I cant wrap my head around it. At least if we took time to get to know someone for a few months and really know who they are and what they offer and if it is what we need and deserve well decrease the chance of getting burned. Do you ever regret writing the letter? I think a new red flag should be if a man tells you something like Im a straight up guy, RUN FOR THE HILLS, because a guy who has to tell you this is not a straight up guy (even if he genuinely thinks he is, he isnt!!! As a result, they begin to pull away for fear of being rejected should they decide to take the relationship further. AnNieH, Also during our relationship his phone would act up to where we wouldnt receive each others texts and would have to download texting apps to continue talking. But if you choose flight rather than fight, they will remain scary to you, until you confront them head on. Why cant men just be consistent. The man I was dating? I knew he really wanted to see me. He ghosted on Tuesday 20/9, this week, without any hints. yeah much better to enjoy life around people who energize you, than drain your energy around people who suck. then I stop intiating contact, I stop asking him out, for sure I stop dating him. Anyways He told me he had to leave for the weekend so wouldnt be aroud and have not heard from him since and its been 3 days! I agree with ms comment that it sad that a men would play disappearing act. We work together so we see each other often. Right! Guys love ex sex because its easier than taking on someone new. he reappeared with an excuse, after i tried to reach out to him on several occasions when he initially started to pull away but was he nice enough to reply to my text back then..NO! He is 57 and I am 51; this isnt some lovestruck teenybopper relationship and one would think that at our age, we would know better to play games like ghosting. When they switch on the silent mode, women ten to text and call more and that way they bask in that attention. MORE: On Loving Yourself and Becoming More Confident. It was a looooooong and painful journey that I dont regret taking. Walk away from him and be the one whos playing the ignoring game. He kept telling me that there are some family issues he has going on and he has University to deal with, but I think his feelings for me might be dropping. I think he did want sex and since he didnt get some he decided to go ghost on you. 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